both love and hate me

Is it possible for someone to make you feel hate and love at the same time?

Hate them so much you don’t want to know them anymore,
but love them so deeply you’re scared to lose them?

What kind of feeling is that?
What’s the name for something like this?

Because it starts with your heart—
constantly in an up and down spiral.
One minute, you hate them. The next, you love them.
And sometimes, both… at the same damn time.

That’s what makes you feel stupid.
Because you don’t even know which feeling is real anymore.
It’s insane. It’s messed up.

He found the best of me.
And he also dragged out the worst.
He makes me the happiest person in the world—
and also the most unlucky.

He makes me feel bad.
He turns me into someone I don’t even recognize.
He knows the best parts of me,
knows how to control me.
And I hate that.

He knows me better than I know myself.
He makes me hate myself.
He makes me want to find someone else.
But no matter what, I always end up back with him.

Shit.
Bullshit.
Fuck.

I feel dead.