Senses

 

Life is becoming much more challenging day by day. It started to push me down to my knees at some points. My consistency becomes inconsistent. My love and passion becoming more blur day by day. My focus on life is getting shorter. Sigh becoming longer. Cry becoming more often. Alone becomes my best friend. This is my attempt to come back to my sense. This is my attempt to live my life rather than just surviving it.

These few days, waking up is like a realization that oh, there's a day that needs to go through. Hell, I just wish time stop for me. Just so that I can take a breath, just so that I can watch all the birds fly so that I can fully be grateful for this breath that I'm breathing. Life becomes hard when you try your best but your nearest person sighs when looking at you. What a disgrace they might think but what a loser I would feel. An attempt to smile consumed my whole day's energy.

My only way to be present is to always look up at the sky. The light streaks into my room window. My shower flow, that fluffy and calm clouds. The air. The blue blue sky. Just watch and I would slightly feel like oh, this is my life. Small but full of beautiful things. Life is hard but hey let's just watch those timid men walking with coffee in hand and carrier bag on another. Watch their face. Watch how they walk, how they talk. What a life. Look at that woman flipping her hair while crossing the road. What a beauty.

Life is hard but it is worth living for.