Sideline

 

I always feel like, I hope karma hits them hard to those that hurts me painfully but does praying for something bad good? aren't I supposed to pray for the good things only?

Plus it doesn't matter what others did to me, I always blame myself back. I'm always wrong. I am never good at judging people. I always thought people have genuine intentions when they were close to me. I hate that I always have these innocent stigmas of seeing people. I trust people so easily. I let them do to me freely. I just don't have boundaries and it hurts me. Each time, it hurts me so much and so badly.

I'm tired of being kind. I'm tired of giving people what they don't deserve. I'm tired of being myself.

I just want to cut people off from my life but in the corner of the room, in the crowd of people, I always fall into tears. How could a human being be this cruel? How far am I from those that connected? I know that I would never get to feel those feelings. The warmth of sincerity. The warmth of truth. The warmth of gentle, and fulfilling connections. I know I would never ever get to feel that. So I just cry.

I'm left behind in everything. I stuck to the side of the world. There are no words I could say and to whom I could say. I just watch. Watch how others' life goes on.