Inspiration sometimes coming from a stranger

(a short clip I recorded this morning when I'm on my way to yoga class)

Today I had a lovely, inspiring, and kind-of-open-your-eye conversation with one of my new friends that I met through yoga class. Been friends with him for a few months already, and we always encourage each other with yoga poses, asking about improvements and challenges when doing any poses. Basically, just small encouraging talks. But somehow today, after I skipped yoga for a few and a half weeks, he asked me to 'lepak' after yoga class. We talk a lot hahaha. Seriously, we talked for nearly two hours but surprisingly but expectedly after the conversation, I felt heard. I feel, oh this is me. Oh gosh, I can make this kind of conversation, really. Never thought I could. And wow, there's so much new information now that I know (and never thought I could speak so fluently in English) and seeing life and hearing other (I mean him) life experiences. All those advice and suggestions and encouragement and knowing there is someone out there who understands what I feel, that is comforting to know.

Basically or in a short explanation, we talk about life. Current, past and future. At first, we laughed when we started our conversation because he said it sounded like a podcast. hahahahah. Sure it feels like that but I love it. I love informative knowledge and a part that makes me realize the whole conversation is how strong and mature I am and how someone can simply relate with me. No im not simply 'angkat bakul sendiri'. Nope. it's just, that he is 10 years older than me, and our conversation goes so deep, and yeah, of course, because he said repeatedly how mature my thinking is (proud). Trust me, it's not easy to become this. I don't ask for it but I want it and I'm glad that now I know that I'm on the right track. Even though sometimes I do want to have an all-out fun but there is some part of me that reserves things for me. To nurture me.

He also made some suggestions and one of them is to pursue my master's overseas. Heck yeah, that is what I was thinking these days too. Some part of me is afraid though. Like what if I can't survive. I don't know if I am capable of taking care of myself. Am I gonna be able to handle and control myself. What if something bad happens and I can't get through it on my own while living in a strange country. But his words, even though I didn't say it out loud like he could catch on, he firmly said, I am capable. I AM CAPABLE. He said he could see that I could control myself, and be independent on my own. Taking care of myself. My heart blooms like a morning glory. It's so rare for me to meet with someone who says that I am capable of things and deserve it in my life. Because before this conversation, we talked a lot about, you know, life, principles, lifestyle, mindset, preferences, and all that. The kind of topic that makes you kinda go deep into each other self (like a podcast). And that statement, kinda makes me believe myself more. Because yes, I admit, it is hard for me to believe in myself and yes yes I'm still working on that.

There is a lot on my mind but I'm slowly gonna unfold it. Day by day. Bit by bit. And I kinda wanted to meet a psychiatrist. Kinda already decided on it. Somehow I learned that I need to let things go. Acknowledge that I can't control everything and that somehow I still need others to help too. So now I'm reaching out. After almost a year, of the journey of finding myself, I see a lot of progress, I see that now I have my kinda own beliefs thinking, my own opinions, my own views, my own perceptions, and I also have my own walls and boundaries, it time for me to reach help so that I can reach another level of life in this journey. Step by step, slowly but progressively, I will be where I'm proud and accepting and believing in myself without the need to think of other people. Now I'm on my journey for my future me, my current me, and my younger me deserve it.