Wandering Within While Waiting to Wander

Mood : 4.5/10

There’s something about being in a new place that makes you feel alive in a way nothing else does. The energy of unfamiliar streets, the challenge of navigating a city where you don’t speak the language, the freedom of being completely in the moment—these experiences are what make travel so exhilarating. Lately, though, I’ve been missing it more than usual. The itch to pack a bag and go anywhere, to explore, to discover, to be with myself in a foreign land, has been pulling at me in ways I can’t ignore.

For me, travel is more than just a chance to see new places. It’s a moment of freedom—freedom from the usual routine, from the expectations that I place on myself, and from the noise that life sometimes brings. Travel allows me to be with my thoughts, to find clarity in a busy world. It’s the time when I can truly feel connected to myself, without distractions.

But right now, I’m not traveling. In fact, my next adventure is still three months away, and that’s a long time when you’re craving the freedom of the road. As the days drag on, that feeling of being stuck has begun to settle in. The world outside feels distant, and the daily routine, though familiar, is starting to feel suffocating. I’ve been thinking a lot about how travel used to feel like an escape, but now it’s become a goal I’m working toward, instead of a spontaneous act of freedom.

The upcoming trip is to Jakarta and Yogyakarta in June, but as the months go by, the excitement feels distant, almost unreachable. It’s not the travel itself that I miss—it’s the feeling of being able to drop everything and go anywhere. That is the freedom I long for. The moment you step onto a plane or into a new city, everything is different. You can take a deep breath and leave behind whatever has been weighing on you. The world opens up, and for a few days, you get to be someone else, somewhere else.

But I can’t just pack up and go right now. As much as I want to, I have responsibilities and a budget to stick to. My June trip is coming together, and that’s something I’m looking forward to, but there’s this lingering restlessness in me. So, I’ve been thinking about how I can scratch that travel itch in the meantime.

A short weekend trip to Malacca crossed my mind. It’s nearby, relatively affordable, and full of history and culture—everything I love about travel. But there’s the catch: it would cost money. And while I really want to get away, I’m also trying to save up for my bigger trip in June. I could go, but it would mean dipping into my savings, which could set me back in terms of what I need for the longer trip. It’s a tough call. The desire to explore versus the reality of budgeting is always a tricky balance.

Then there’s the idea of camping. I considered it, but I crave a city experience right now. The idea of being surrounded by nature is appealing, but I know that I need the hustle and bustle of a city to feel that spark. Something about being surrounded by people, the noise, the rhythm of life—it makes me feel more connected, more alive. So, while camping might scratch some of that escape itch, it’s not the kind of recharge I need right now. I want the city vibes.

I’ve also realized that in times like this, I can’t always count on a physical escape to bring me peace. As much as I crave the physical act of traveling, I also need to take care of myself mentally and emotionally. For the past two weeks, I’ve been struggling with my mental health, partly due to missing doses of my medication. It’s like the dark clouds rolled in when I missed them, and I only realized it after feeling off for a while. I could feel myself slipping, and I knew that I wasn’t being as consistent as I should be.

That’s been the hardest part: knowing that I’m not in the best headspace and that I’ve neglected things I need to do to stay balanced. The emotional weight of this has been much more real than I expected. It’s a heavy feeling, like a storm cloud hovering above me, and it doesn’t go away until I take my meds and start feeling like myself again. It’s been a reminder that sometimes, the answer isn’t just to go somewhere else, but to start from within and take care of the basics first.

Taking care of my mental health has become just as important as getting away for a trip. After all, no matter where I go, I still have to face myself. I’ve learned that traveling is not just about escaping my life—it’s about reconnecting with myself. The best trips I’ve had were the ones where I came back feeling more grounded, more centered, and more at peace with my own mind. So, while the excitement of traveling to new places is still something I crave, I know I also need to find balance in my day-to-day life.

As I look forward to my trip in June, I’m also making small adjustments in my routine to help me feel better. I’ve decided to ease back into exercising. After taking more than a month off, it’s time to refocus on my health and appearance. I’m starting fresh, taking things slow, and focusing on the basics. Tomorrow, I’m starting with yoga to get back into the rhythm, and the next day, I’ll jump into a BodyPump class. It’s a small step, but it’s one that helps me feel like I’m taking control of my physical and mental well-being again.

Sometimes, taking care of yourself is a form of travel. It’s about exploring the different parts of who you are, and learning to be okay with the stillness of where you are right now. That doesn’t mean giving up on the dream of travel; it just means recognizing that the journey doesn’t always have to be a physical one. The journey within is just as important, if not more so.

Right now, while I’m waiting for my next adventure, I’m trying to find peace in the little things. I’ve decided to take a step back and focus on creating small moments of joy: watching my favorite TV series, taking care of myself with a face mask, sorting through videos on my phone, and reflecting on my mood. These small acts of self-care are like mini-escapes in themselves. They remind me that I don’t need to be in a new city to feel alive. I can find that spark within myself by being present in the moment, no matter where I am.

So, while the world outside may feel distant right now, I’m learning to embrace this time for what it is. The restless feeling will pass. And when it does, I’ll be ready to pack my bags and step into that new place, that new world. Until then, I’ll continue exploring the world within me, one small step at a time.